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离异者的经验:婚姻中最初悔的15件事(双

发布时间:2015-05-17 11:56
  divorce triggers a lot of different emotions, everything from sadness to regret. in some cases, a split is precipitated by a factor outside the marriage. in other cases, though, couples ask themselves whether there was something they could have done differently to save the relationship.   with that in mind, we asked huff/post50 divorced readers about the biggest mistakes they made in their marriages. some responses were succinct. "getting married when my instincts kept screaming 'no!'" said nancy jurney. but others were more complex. "not really knowing who he was. i should have done a better job on his background. got married in june of 1986 and divorce was final in december 1986," said jessie williams. take a look at the other responses below。   1. "we stopped putting the other first; stopped nurturing the relationship, dating. simple everyday things like kissing, holding hands, hugging in public or private waned; growing in separate directions and/or not growing at all."   2. "not giving him the respect and admiration he was looking for. he left me for a woman who needed rescuing and treated him like he was her knight in shining armor."   3. "getting married to a person who did not share my religion, lifestyle, diet -- especially diet. if you can't eat the same things it is a sign you two do not have enough in common. i know diet sounds trivial, but when you think about it, trying to cook food for someone that you yourself just could not eat gets tiring. so you stop. men have a thing about women cooking for them. i hear a lot of complaints that wives don't cook any more. with me, i just got tired of cooking food that i would never eat. so i stopped. he took it personally. just too many differences."   4. "thinking he was going to change. trying to change them to be something轻变传奇网站 they were never going to be."   5. "in my first marriage it was believing i could help him and the expectation we would live happy ever after. nope. in the second, i'm learning it's not 50/50. if you both don't give your all it will never work."   6. "taking childhood baggage into marriage! it takes work on both sides to make a great marriage! i wish parents knew how their abuse and neglect are setting the stage for future relationships so negatively."   7. "i married someone for stability, promises, dreams, comfort, consistency and protection. reality was not a concern. it should have been. i depended on and expected too much from him and that was my mistake. now that i have raised children, i know what unconditional love is and discovered that it was what i was missing in the marriage."   8. "poor communication. making assumptions. not being clear and direct."   9. "biggest mistake was turning a blind eye to all his affairs and getting married so young!!"   10. "taking on the 'relationship responsibility' myself as if i could resolve the issues with love and communication. i didn't stand a chance. and so ... 29 years married to my high school sweetheart went up in a funeral pile."   11. "my issue was the fact that i stopped expressing myself in a way that was true to me when the relationship took off ... i would walk around on eggshells in front of my partner, for fear of being displeasing, and i gave up my hobbies and interests, too."   12. "my biggest mistake was letting myself be treated like a non-person ... no opinions, no choices, no voice."   13. "i think little things add up over the years and if you don't deal with issues when they come up, lots of people gradually grow apart over time and both parties often take each other for granted."   14. "biggest mistake: i took her 传奇土城花屏补丁for granted."   15. "going into marriage based on shared interests and other 'surface' types of similarities/likes and not considering deeper connections, like faith, morals, values, communication styles, and shared goals."   离异会触发多种心情,诸如高兴、痛惜等。有时分是一些婚姻之外的要素使得夫妇各奔前程。另一些时分,离孕前当事者会扪心自问,假如改观过来的一些做法,能否就能够援救这段婚姻?   思忖到这小半,咱们正在赫芬顿邮报的论坛huff/post 50上向离婚观众群发问:本人正在婚姻中犯下的最大谬误是什么?一些答案要言没有烦。南茜·吉莉(nancy jurney说:“就算直觉没有断说‘没有要’,但还是嫁给他了。”再有一些就略显简单了。杰西·威廉姆斯(jessie williams说道:“没能深化理解他是怎么的一集体。我该当多花一些功力考察他的背景的。咱们是1986年6月结的婚,同年12月就离了。”上面还列出了一些其它的回答。   1.“咱们没有再把对于方放正在第二位;没有再生就感觉,没有再幽会。连容易的日人情感交换如皱眉、牵手、拥抱等都很悭吝,没有再正在公共场所秀恩爱,以至私底下也是;两集体正在生长中逐步偏偏离了对于方,或者许都没有小半儿出息。”   2.“他想要的尊重和赞誉,我都没有给。最初他为了别的女人分开了我。那个女人楚楚没有幸,多少乎就把他看作身披战甲去救命她的斗士。”   3.“我和一度跟我正在宗教信奉、生涯形式、生计习气(特别是这点都心心相印的人结了婚。假如连吃什么都合没有来,这象征着你们基本就是两个社会的人。我晓得这听下去但是鹰爪毛儿蒜皮之事,但想一想你要为一集体做你本人基本难以次咽的食物,这没有免太过凑合了。因为你撒手了。男子汉都尤其喜爱让妻子主厨。我听过若干男子汉埋怨妻子没有起火等等的。但就我集体而言,我但是厌恶做我本人都没有想吃的食物。因而我决议终了这种生涯。他感觉我是对准于他,但实在但是由于咱们差异太大了。”   4.“梦想他会改观。天真地想去改观一些没有能够改观的货色。”   5.“第二次婚姻我置信我能够变化他的贤内助,咱们也能够没有断幸运地生涯上去。后果现实没有是那样。第一次我就学乖了。婚姻没有是两集体各支付一半,一旦恣意一方有所保存,这段感觉都保持没有上去。”   6.“将少年的暗影带进婚姻!只要单方单独运营的婚姻才会幸运!我指望双亲可以分明地晓得,他们彼此的唾骂与冷酷会对于本人孩子将来的婚姻生涯形成如许大的反面反应。”   7.“现在裸婚是为了谋求稳固、许诺、妄想、闲适和包庇、情投意合。后来并没有思忖过事实成绩,而这实在是很多余的。我过火地依托他,对于他的期冀也太高,这是我的成绩。现在我已为人母,明确了什么是无环境的爱,才发现我现在的婚姻正是短少某个货色。”   8.“缺少沟通。总是猜疑。从没有转弯抹角地交换。”   9.“我最错的就是对于他的风流韵事习以为常,年岁微微就嫁给了他!”   10.“一力承当起‘婚姻的义务,就如同我一集体靠爱和沟通就能处理掉一切的成绩一样。现实上这彻底没有能够。因而……正在裸婚29年后,我和我高核心上线的联系还是走到了止境。”   11.“我的成绩是,我没有再像刚刚订婚时这样坦诚……正在我另一半背后,我格外不慎慎重,恐怕惹他(她没有庆幸,并且我还保持了我的兴味喜好。”   12.“我犯的最大的谬误就是答应本人被非人地看待……没有能成心见,凡是事没得选,没有话语权。”   13.“我感觉冰冻三尺非一日之寒。假如你没有正在成绩涌现时就处理它,那样夫妇二人只会渐行渐远,况且都没有把对于方当回事。”   14.“我最大的谬误是:没有把她当回事。”   15.“因单独的兴味以及其它一些‘名义的’类似点/爱好踏进婚姻,而没有思忖到一些更深档次的货色如信奉、品德观、价格观、沟通格调及单独的指标等。”   (翻译 buptliaoshan 编者 祝兴媛

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